Monday, March 25, 2013

One Year Later: I Like the Progress. I Hate the Process.

A year ago today was the first day of my triple therapy treatment for Hepatitis C. Wow! A year ago today, I tried to imagine myself here and couldn't do it. It was too painful and too overwhelming to dream about it being over, when I was just getting started.

Now that treatment has been over for 3 weeks, I am anxious to get on with life, but my body isn't yet. I hate that. I'm SO ready to get on with it! (typical me...) I HAVE noticed some improvements though!

My cardiovascular system doesn't seem as taxed. I caught myself leaping up the stairs, skipping every other step. And I didn't feel like my heart was going to flee from my chest when I reached the top. I could still breathe without gasping for air or getting crazy dizzy. THIS is progress!

I can shake my booty and get silly with my kids and spouse without completely wiping out from exhaustion! THIS is progress!

I can stand (without leaning on a wall) for longer periods than I sit! This makes me happy. THIS is progress!

It's really nice not having to take pills every day and shots every week on a strict schedule. Feels free.

I like the progress!
But recovery is a process.

One misconception is that after treatment stops I should feel myself again. Well, I hope to feel myself again - or better than myself again - but it ain't happenin' today. Boo hiss.

My immune system still feels sluggish. I get worn down easily after a busy day or jam-packed weekend of kids' activities like volleyball tournaments, dance performances, and school projects.

I'm also not getting enough rest, I think. I mean, I think I'm taking it easy. I think I'm listening to my body, but the results don't seem to reflect that. I feel weak, sore, and tired.

My brain still likes to forget things in that short-term-memory kind of way. Sometimes I still get lost in my own conversation: I forget the point I was trying to make, or I get off track and can't get back on the original topic. My brain couldn't recall what it was thinking. I still laugh at this. Laughing is healthy for me. :)

Did you know my ability to focus visually is poor? I'm not sure if I reported this condition before. Near the end of treatment I found it harder and harder for my eyes to bring objects into focus. I don't believe it is a near- or far-sighted issue. The objects are crystal clear but it's like they are misaligned, like when video looks wobbly on the TV screen. It is clear but hard to focus on what it is showing because it won't "be still." That's what my vision is doing. If I stare at the object it'll stop wobbling thus coming into focus. But if it's a moving target (like a TV show), forget about it. I feel head pressure sometimes when I try hard to focus back and forth from near objects (cell phone messaging) to far objects (TV across the room).

I am hoping that this "focusing" phenomena is due to my fatigue. My eyes feel too tired to be efficient at focusing. They seem to have the ability to do it, but are just taking their time at it. :/ I'll keep you posted on that.

I'm tired still. No surprise. It seems like my body knows the drugs are gone but doesn't know what to do about it. I feel sickly and achy and my digestive processes are out of whack. I'm not "sick" technically but it just feels like my body can't get a break, like it's battling something that it doesn't want to battle. It just wants to be left alone and rest. I'm probably not helping the cause as much as I should. And allergy season doesn't help either.

I told my spouse today that I probably need more rest than I'm giving myself. He understood and encouraged me to be patient.

I like the progress of recovery.
I hate the process of recovery.

I'll holla back later!


  1. Natalie and I are SO proud of u and I feel a sermon comin on..."THIS is progress!"

  2. Thanks Pastor Travis! But it was YOU who inspired me!

    In one of your recent sermons, you taught that we should not judge. We should consider what people have been freed from and not judge them while on their new path of freedom. You shared that you personally don't condone smoking cigarettes. But that doesn't mean you judge someone who does. You don't. Because for them, smoking cigarettes...well...That's progress!

    LOL! Thanks for the inspiration. :)

  3. Your family never doubed what God was going to do with you and through you! Thank you for teaching me endurance! Thank you for teaching me the process may be uncomfortable but the progress is well worth it! We continue to pray for you daily. We were patient and prayerful with the process you endured. We will be patient and prayerful with the progress you are going to make.


    Aunt Claudette