Sunday, September 9, 2012

24 Weeks - Half Way!

Yeah! I'm half way! 24 down, 24 to go.

Man, this is a long haul. I feel this way especially on days like today. And I've had days like today more times than not.

I'm pretty pooped out. Don't want to do much but have much to do. More accurately, it's not that I don't WANT to do much, but that my body is weary. It doesn't want to expend the energy. And when I do anyway, I pay for it. My heart likes to race and skip beats and stuff like that. Doesn't feel good. Experiencing my heart struggling to keep beat is - well - disheartening. Ha! Honestly, it's more disconcerting than disheartening, but you get the point.

What's a girl to do? ...Press on. Trust God with what I cannot control and do well with what God trusts me to manage.

Even though I'm not in and out of hospitals, I haven't lost weight or lost all my hair (some is now growing back), I'm not vomiting with each dose of treatment, I still have considerable strength to lift and accomplish mundane tasks, I can move up and down stairs without extreme fatigue, and I can play with my family, my life is not normal. As my Mayo Clinic physician's assistant put it, "You can't really have a life while on treatment, because you don't know how you'll feel day to day."

I mean, I do have a life in the literal sense, but it's difficult making far off commitments. I can't be certain to keep them. It's not unusual to make plans and then the day comes and I'm like "no way." This is especially true if the activity involves long drives, moving around (continuous walking, standing, lifting, moving) or even high energy conversations or social events. There was a surprise party I had planned to attend for over a month. When it got here this past Saturday, there was just "no way." I was bummed to have to change my decision to go. But I'm glad I did. It was the right choice.

If I think too much about "24 weeks left," I get anxious. At first, I thought I'd begin counting down the weeks at the halfway point. But now, I think I'll keep counting up instead. That way I won't get in such a hurry to be done. I mean, I can't hurry this thing up anyway; I can't control time. I don't even know the end date, and that's a good thing. I finish sometime early next year - that's all I know. And that's enough for me.

My 12-year-old daughter Alana stated it perfectly: "If I focus on the future, there is no future, because I missed out on the present."

Now, back to today...


  1. Dear Shellie! I didn't know of your challenge, and only "know" you through our couple conversations and meetings. However, just as I shared with you previously how I believe our spirits connected after you spoke at the super bowl worship service, I feel it just as strong after reading a few of your blogs. YOU ARE A STRONG TOWER for God and it's obvious in your walk, your talk and the very way you live your life. I KNOW you will be victorious through this challenge as you've been through others, simply because of who you are and who your Father is! God Almighty; Jesus The Christ! You've touched the lives of others and I believe, like the woman who hemmorhaged for twelve years, and according to Matt 9:21 says: "For she said to herself, "If only I may touch His garment, I shall be made well.""Jesus knew someone had touched Him as power left out of him and when he saw her He said, "Be of Good cheer, daughter; your faith has made you well". I write to encourage you today and to assure you I'll be praying for you. Be of Good Cheer Shellie, as I believe in my heart that Your Faith in God Will Make You Well. God is still healing and it's through your writing that I perceive you have received power from on high and it's this powerful writing that will be the conduit to heal others as well as the witness to the great things God has done. I Peter 5:10 reads: "And the God of all grace, who called you unto his eternal glory in Christ, after that ye have suffered a little while, shall himself perfect, establish, strengthen you." Be Blessed! With much Love! Diane Wells

    1. Diane, your words are amazing! I am humbled and blessed by your response. I DO remember you and am grateful for the opportunity to meet you and to share what we have with one another. Your support means so much. God bless you!

  2. Hey niece, we are with you and love you sooooooo very much! Fervent prayers are being made on your behalf everyday.

    Aunt Claudette

    1. Thank Auntie! Your love is felt over the miles.

  3. Shellie - forgive me, but I don't know any other way to reach than through your comments. I am hoping that in honor of Liver Awareness month in October, you will write a guest blog for my blog, It can be any length, subject, previously published and can link to your blog. Deadline in 2-3 weeks - sorry for short notice, but have been trying to post this comment without success. Thank you for considering this: