The Short Summary:Tuesday to Monday: More in tune with my emotions. Sensitivity to light and sound still exists but not as difficult to tolerate as last week. Low grade fever (LGF) was only sporadic and not persistent (yeah!). Shortness of breath, head congestion are expected now. I'm getting used to it. Tense muscles and soreness (due to the Neupogen, I think.). Tired x5. Getting used to that too. Eyes are still heavy. I'm getting used to the frequent yawning. The days following the shot(s) are tougher than later in the week. Still taking Theraflu and ibuprofen occasionally during the day or night as needed. No rash this week! My skin is sensitive so I keep it lotioned up and try to stay hydrated. My hair is thinning significantly. I'm glad I had thick hair. The light shines straight through now. This is the first time I've thought about a hair piece. I don't need it now but - hey - I got 43 weeks left! And it ain't gonna stop thinning!
Feeling angry today. Along with tired of course. The anger is new. Doing a good job of managing it. Feeling glad about that. Over-apologetic - probably because I feel helpless. And not being able to do like I want or go like I want or think like I want makes me angry. It is what it is. I accept it so I can surrender it. There it goes...now it's lost it's power over me. :D
Today has been a good day. I'm not as weighed down as Mon/Tues, and certainly not like Sunday was. I'm beginning to adjust to my new limitations, I think. :) I get excited when I can clean the kitchen and still chauffeur the kids around to Chuck E Cheese and ice cream without feeling drained, weak, or irritably tired. I'm having a good day. Glad to have some down time to read without getting a headache too! Yippee!
I have such wonderful people in my life. Check out my Thank You page where I list my support system who've made a unique contribution to my recovery. Several families are providing meals for us - unsolicited. They have voluntarily insisted on bringing weekly meals. Unbelievable! What can we say other than Thank You? Doesn't seem enough. I could never have imagined the impact this show of generosity and love has on us. The amount of stress that is reduced by not having to think about, plan for, shop for, prepare, cook, clean, or store dinner is immeasurable and significant. That alone has aided in my treatment. I just know it. There are days when it's hard to even think or drive. And I'm so grateful not to have to worry about what to feed my family on those days. God knows what I need when I don't. And He provides.
Yet it is still difficult sometimes when the thought of completing a simple task is daunting. That's why today was a good day. I swept and mopped the kitchen and eating areas, washed dishes (with the aid of a dishwasher, hee hee!), and wiped the counters. And I didn't grow weary or weak in the process! That's a big deal for me nowadays. I just might be beginning to adjust my expectations. It's the healthy thing to do.
I got my weekly lab results back on Thursday afternoon. I was ordered to take another Neupogen injection. I realize now that I do experience the rare side effects of this drug: achy and sore muscles and bones. Weakness and fatigue. I felt it come on Friday afternoon. They had dissipated by Sunday.
I was determined to workout today. Was thinking about it all weekend. A little nervous though. I needed to work out. It was a mental thing. I needed to make sure my body wasn't completely falling apart. :) So, I decided to walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I was expecting to have a difficult time and may have to stop. But once I got started I had the urge to jog, so I did! It felt great! Yippee!
After that, I ran a couple of errands and came home exhausted. So I took a good nap. I'm still exhausted now. So, I'll be sure not to do any more than I did today, exercise-wise, for now at least. ;)
43 weeks left of treatment is NOT just around the corner, so... Here are some notes that came me to me as I was studying my devotional the other day. Maybe it'll be my "sign off" for each post...
Living in fear is working hard not to lose in the end. Living by faith is knowing I will win in the end. A faithful life is a free one. A fearful life is a defeated one.