Sunday, July 29, 2012

18 Weeks, 0 Days - Maybe It Was the Neupogen

You know, I feel better today. Yesterday too. And the day before. Maybe the renaissance isn't over yet after all?
Not that I have the stamina that I had before treatment, but I have seemed to recover from the exhausting "walls" I'd hit last week. Now that I think of it, my white blood counts were dangerously low. They were so low, that I needed 2 shots of Neupogen - one on Friday and one on Tuesday. Consistently, I have been more tired and exhausted when that drug has been added to my system. And it makes sense (well duh!). That shot is intended to stimulate my bone marrow to create more blood - white blood cells. So my body is working harder. I need to be more aware of this so I don't feel discouraged and can have hope that the energy slump will pass in a week or so.

[I had so much fun at church today!  It felt so super great to participate in praise and worship.  I was able to sing my heart out - with arms raised - without getting dizzy, nauseous, a headache, rapid heart rate, weakness in the legs from standing up, or worn out by the spotlights and amplified speakers. Hallelujah!  Thank you, Lord!]

I think my problem is that I keep looking for some sort of pattern, some sort of predictability in all this - still.  Must be my human nature at work.  I suppose what I'm really in search for is comfort, security - and control.  I chuckle as I live with and work through these recurring urges.  (The quest for comfort, security and control). It's a part of my personality - my nature.  Truth is, the way to comfort, security and control is already given to me.  But my self-reliant tendencies tempt me to lose my way.  The Way is Jesus.  I'm grateful He is my Lord. I'm grateful He Saves. Grateful He heals - from the inside out.

Have a blessed day!

Living in fear is working hard not to lose in the end. Living by faith is knowing I will win in the end. A faithful life is a free one. A fearful life is a defeated one. - Me

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